In another blog post, I referred to people who have the need to constantly change up words for the same idea as having Variety Syndrome. For example, the writer can’t stand continually writing the name Jane, so she writes Jane, the girl, the woman (a girl and a woman aren’t even the same thing), lawyer (or whatever profession Jane is), the wife, the spinster, etc. Anything so they don’t have to reuse the same words again. Or the writer can’t stand saying “said” or “asked” in dialog, so they change it up. He writes the character stated, queried, exclaimed, etc.
Here’s another syndrome. I call it adverb syndrome. Is is particularly noticeable in concluding dialog, but it can be scattered throughout a story. What is adverb syndrome? It is a specific type of Variety Syndrome, usually so that you don’t have to constantly just say “said” or “asked”. But such adverbs are also often used to describe a character’s emotion at that moment. Unfortunately, that is telling, not showing. [See my blog post on Show, Don’t Tell.]
Here are a few examples of what I’m talking about. “Where have you been?” he exclaimed angrily (or vociferously, or insistently, or a host of other synonyms; or maybe he expostulated in one of those ways). “I dont’ know what you mean,” she insisted stubbornly (or puzzled, or baffled, or a host of other synonyms). First, it sounds better to use “said” and “asked” if you are going to follow it up with an adverb. Second, most adverbs such writers use are almost always over exaggerated to the needs of the situation. Why bother? If you think your reader will be impressed, they won’t.
The same is true of the other main source of overused adverbs. In another blog post, I shared a funny story about author Dan Brown. The post was about overusing words, or the opposite–avoiding any use of a word more than once–and Brown was an obvious example. In this post, I’m referring specifically to adverbs, and he, unfortunately, is one of the worst abusers. But he’s in good company. Famous authors and inexperienced ones alike do it. I do it, though I try to keep an eye out on it. In the writing world, too few characters can just walk across the room, or undress, or eat, or anything else, without a lot of detail on how they do it. Again, it is meant to tell rather than show. The man stomped angrily across the room. Here we have a verb and adverb that not only complement each other, they mean the same thing. I mean, seriously, does someone ever stomp happily? Stomp confusedly? Angrily is a redundant word. Yet writers do this sort of thing ALL THE TIME. Then too, they use the boldest word they can think of when a lesser one will do. Instead of angrily, why not impatiently, or with irritation? Better yet, why not leave it off altogether and use it in dialog. The man walked across the room, his approach menacing. “What do you think you mean by doing that?” he hissed. Now, it’s better, but could be better still. The man walked across the room until he reached Clyde. “What do you think you mean by doing that?” he hissed. His words and the way he delivered them make it clear how angry he is. We don’t need either stomping or told he’s furious. We can see it for ourselves.
The point is try to restrain yourself from your worst excesses. Not everything needs over explaining with a ton of adverbs. Keep it to here or there, and keep it a shade or two less dramatic than the situation warrants. Above all, avoid abuse to the point where the reader need no longer use their imagination because you have provided everything, most of it exaggerated.